Gratitude is a gift that we give ourselves.

It takes one moment to shift from complaining or worrying to gratitude. Just change your thoughts. Step away from the negative jabber that swirls through the brain for one moment and look at all you do have. The Thanksgiving holiday offers a wonderful opportunity to acknowledge and experience grace and gratitude. Weve all experienced many challenges and yet, there is so much to be thankful for: Friends, family, sunshine, good food, animal buddies, the opportunity to experience each day in a new way… (good time to make a list!)

This is also a season of giving. Thanksgiving begins the buying frenzy and we shift into giving mode. It feels so good to give a gift or even a smile when its needed. When a gift is done right it fuels everyone involved, especially our heart. It feels so good to give, but it cant be done for selfish reasons. Here are gift-giving reasons to watch out for:

1. Out of obligation.
2. Because it will fix someone else. (Not our job. See my book, Unlimited Life for a further explanation of this.)
3. To change someone, so we will feel better. (Giving a kid candy so she will stop talking is a great example. Another is buying my child a dress to wear to a party, because I think shell look great in it. Or, in other words, maybe I dont want her to wear what she has and loves.)
4. Self sacrificing and giving until it hurts.

A note on #4: For many reasons we give of ourselves when we are not able to. This example is often used and is so apropos: If the pressure in the airplane drops, give yourself oxygen before the child or incapable person sitting next to you. Why? What good are you if you cant breathe? Giving acts in the same way. You have to give to yourself before you can give to others. Giving is then an act of overflowing love, joy and abundance to others given without obligation or strings.

So heres the challenge. Each day until December 28, Im going to give something to someone, while feeding me in some way.  Im also going to look for ways in which I gave without knowing. These will be prime examples of how my overflowing joy and love help others. Im going to list my act of kindness or giving on my blog site. I also challenge you to join me. Id love to hear about your examples. Many of us giving because it doesnt hurt! We can share our acts and help others to get ideas of ways to give and share.

Today my act was simple. I let someone cut in front of me in traffic. It sounds simple. But, I was late for an appointment. There was a lot of traffic with people trying to get home for the holiday. It would be awhile before this person found a hole to slide into. What did I get out of it? Patience. Im working on patience and faith that Ill be where I need to be on time. Im OK with this at other times. Im not good at being patient in traffic. Today I relaxed, took a breath, helped someone and made it to my appointment EARLY!

OK, its small. Small matters. It mattered to the person I let in. Maybe she made it in time to pick up her child from school. Maybe not. Whatever, it felt good to give and grow.

Acting Instead of Reacting

November 4th, 2009

It was a remarkable experience that only took five minutes. Someone who often becomes angry with me began yelling at me. In the past I would have been hurt by what she said. I may have become angry myself and have often yelled back at her. Or, I’d try to appease her so that she would stop yelling. It never worked. Sometimes I’d be hurt for days or weeks by the interaction. Sometimes brought to tears.

This time it was different. I acknowledged my understanding that how she acts has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with her. I didn’t believe what she said, or even listen entirely.

For the first time I didn’t engage. It felt like I took a step back and watched her acting out and yelling. It was like watching a movie of a person going ballistic. Eventually she walked away and comforted herself in the corner of the room. I watched objectively, and for the first time felt HER pain. I saw that she was hurting deeply – that she was struggling with demons that had plagued her for some time. I felt for her.

Something I had said had hurt her, and though I had nothing to do with her hurting it was sad. Compassion welled up within me. I wished it could be different and that I was a person who brought her joy and healing. I wondered how many there were who could do that.

There was nothing I could do at the time. Nothing I could say, and it wasn’t my fault. In the future, however, I’ll know how fragile she is. I’ll try to speak with that understanding of her. Not because I want to change her or fix her. Now it’s because I care for and love her. Hopefully the understanding and compassion that I gained – because I knew it was not about me – will help our future communication. I know it has helped me to better understand my self and others.

In my November newsletter I talk more about why I’m working to be more objective. Look for the article next week, entitled, “Sorry, You’re Just Not Worth It.”

Auto Miracle

October 25th, 2009

I love “miracle” stories. They happen all of the time. But some of them are just fantastical. I know that nothing is coincidental and things and events line up for us all of the time. But, sometimes the synchronicity of events is mind boggling. Such a boggle happened today.

My husband drove off with dog “Annie” in tow at 3:30 pm on Sunday, to meet her new pet sitter.

I stayed at home waiting for a vendor to visit. It’s very rare for me to meet with clients or vendors over the weekend. But Scott Barnes, who will redo my shopping cart for me, works at another job during the week. We were to meet for the first time at 4, but he was a few minutes late.

While waiting for him husband Dave called. He was frantic. A belt on his car had just popped. He was a couple miles from the pet sitter’s and far from me. He didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t familiar with that part of town and it was Sunday. Who would be open? Who could we call? And worse, his towing service card had expired.

I was listening to him over the phone getting more and more upset when the doorbell rings. It’s Scott, my shopping cart guy. We shook hands and I immediately told him that I was on the phone with my husband who was having car trouble. I had a hunch to ask Scott if he knew any place that handled Mercedes repairs in the area where my husband was located. Scott said that a friend of his owned a used car dealership that dealt with Mercedes. The dealership had a shop. AND it was a mile from where Dave was at the moment!!

Scott guided Dave to the shop, called his shop friend, who called Dave. The car was left safely at the perfect place for the repair. They’ll work on it first thing in the morning.

Can it be a coincidence that all of those pieces fit together perfectly like that? I really don’t think so. That scenario was far too complicated.

Let’s add on one more component. Tomorrow evening Dave’s headed to his printing plant in rural VA. Someone was watching over him. The belt broke before he got himself into a desperate situation.

We are truly blessed and cared for. Miracles do happen every day. I’m very thankful!

How to Deal With Fear

October 7th, 2009

What is fear? Some would say that it’s the absence of love and faith, and they’d be right. Still, knowing does not always give us the ammo we need to deal with fear. Here are some steps to try when you feel fear:
1. Note it. Define what it’s pointing to and objectively face it.

2. Breathe and comfort yourself. Show yourself compassion. Smile.

3. Determine if there is a reality behind the fear.

4. Breathe

5. Meditate and find your center.

6. Visualize what you want to happen – how your situation will change. See yourself in this place.

7. Breathe

8. Enact your plan and/or live your dream.

These are scary times, but as you know, you are ineffective and very uncomfortable if you live in fear. The key is to face it, learn from it and move beyond it. Fear is a pointer that you have something to do. Either something needs fixing, or it’s time for you to get going and grow. As Edgar Watson Howell said, “A good scare is worth more . . . than good advice.” Happy Halloween.

The Journey of Life

September 29th, 2009

Yesterday was Yom Kippur – a day when Jews around the world atone for their sins and seek to deeply connect with God. One of the passages in my prayer book is very meaningful to me. It speaks about the journey of life and how we move through it learning our lessons and growing.  I think it’s wisdom is a direct hit, revealing what life is about. I’d like to share it with you:

Birth is a beginning
And death a destination.
And life is a journey:
From childhood to maturity
And youth to age;
From innocence to awareness
And ignorance to knowing;
From foolishness to discretion
And then, perhaps, to wisdom;
From weakness to strength
Or strength to weakness –
And, often, back again;
From health to sickness
And back, we pray, to health again;
From offense to forgiveness,
From loneliness to love,
From joy to gratitude,
From pain to compassion,
And grief to understanding –
From fear to faith;
From defeat to defeat to defeat –
Until, looking backward or ahead,
We see that victory lies
Not at some high place along the way,
But in having made the journey, stage by stage,
A sacred pilgrimage.
Birth is a beginning
And death a destination.
And life is a journey,
A sacred pilgrimage –
To life everlasting.

This is a time of great change on many levels. People are realizing that the old systems don’t work, and the present values are shallow. I’m coaching more and more people who are in transition, looking to find where their hearts lie and what they truly value. I feel that what we’re experiencing is a period time that potentiates a huge spiritual shift on this “sacred pilgrimage.” I’m praying for it. I’m looking for a time when people connect with their essential self and with that of others.

May journey year be joyful this year.

Honoring Our Differences

September 23rd, 2009

We know that we are all different. Each one of us has habits that work for us, but not for others. In fact, our habits and behaviors may be very irritating to someone else – especially a mate or someone we work with. I’m learning that if I step back and evaluate the differences objectively I may be able to not only accept them, I can benefit from them.

For example, my husband, Dave, and I are very different in some ways. One place we differ is in how we approach a task. I like to get things done as quickly and efficiently as possible. I dive into it and focus on only the task at hand. Dave takes his time and is more relaxed about when things get done.

One day we were involved in fixing things around the house. We needed some tools to complete the task and went to Home Depot. My mind was on the task at hand, knowing that we had plans for the evening. I felt that we needed to work quickly on the repairs so that we’d be finished before dinner.

When we arrived at Home Depot I went right for the tool aisle and found an employee to help me find the correct tool. I directly asked for the tool I was looking for, and when he answered I thanked him and went to get the tool.

Dave was appalled. He felt that I’d mistreated the employee. His approach would have been to introduce himself to the person, be friendly and make some pleasant conversation before asking for information. I felt like I didn’t have time for all the conversation. I just wanted to get the job done.

It took some work, but we eventually were able to see that our different styles can actually be complementary. I keep track of time and Dave’s the PR guy. Dave gathers information and gets to know everyone while I get the tool or products we need.

We’re actually learning from each other, as well. After being around him for some time I find myself asking people’s names and taking a little more time with them – even though I’m on a “mission.”  Dave, on the other hand, has become a lot more focused on doing things within a certain time period.

I’m learning that the habits in others that cause me the most angst may be the ones that complement me and teach me the most. So much to learn.

The Pause That Fuels Success

September 15th, 2009

Many of us tend to view stress as emotional or mental, not realizing how much the body takes on when we go through intense periods of work, relationship issues, learning or other stressful times. We expect to be physically tired after running a marathon, but may not realize how much tension our body has absorbed after a mentally or emotionally stressful period in our lives.

We’ve been taught that when we move slowly, or are inactive we’re weak, feeble or listless. Yet, every thing and every other living being idles. My car can’t run constantly. It needs to park or to idle. My dog sleeps by my side for hours while I work. After eating a lion may rest for a week. Even hummingbirds come to an almost dead stop to rest between flights. Every other animal understands that without proper rest we wear down and don’t perform properly. Performance is balanced with refueling and rest. But, many of us humans believe in pushing. Only humans move full speed all of the time, and our performance and joy suffer the consequences.

My physical therapist said: “You don’t need to push to fatigue.” I get the concept.

I’m taking out a new lease on life. I’m adding more value into my contract by releasing the pressure valve – learning to live with ease. Ah, I feel the pressure clouds lifting already and, yes, I’m smiling.

You can read my free article to learn some tips that have helped me to relax, enjoy myself AND stay effective. Go to http://www.theawarenessinitiative.com/article.php. You can also subscribe to receive the new monthly articles.

Powerful Guidance for Success

September 3rd, 2009

Where does real knowledge come from? A great deal of information and insight comes to us without the use of the rational mind. This information comes to us from a place of awareness not connected to rational thought.

Many of the greatest discoveries – those that have changed history and lives – have come from this place. These discoveries and insights were borne from moments of wisdom or understanding that did not come from the rational mind. Sir Isaac Newton found gravity by being awakened by an apple. In a place between the dream and awakened states he had an epiphany and then used his mind to describe it. Albert Einstein had great visions during his naps. He often stated that one of his biggest challenges was putting into words and formulas that which he knew from a place other than his rational mind.

What insights do you receive? Do you notice information coming from other sources beyond the rational mind? Do you honor this information?

Here are some steps to use to notice and validate this information:
1. Watch your thoughts. Pay attention to these “voices” in your head. Where are they coming from? Not all thoughts come from the same place.
2. Write down your instinctual thoughts and insights – the “gut level” feelings you can’t rationally explain it.
3. Watch to see if the information proves to be accurate. How does the situation play out?
4. Write down the outcome.
Next time, add in another step between 2 and 3: Act upon the insight. Do what “your gut” tells you to do and act on it as if it’s true information.

Your success will increase dramatically when you honor your non-explainable intuitive insights.

Do It Right In Less Time

Your beliefs seriously influence how much time you take to complete a task or project. They can take much less time than you think. Here’s a suggestion for how you can accomplish more in less time than you originally think is possible.

1. Notice when you first begin to think, “This project or task is going to take more time than I have.” It shouldn’t be difficult to notice this because you’ll probably be fretting and stressed about it.

2. Step back from your emotions and breathe. Disconnect from the thoughts.

3. Objectively calculate how much time you believe you have to accomplish the task.

4. Next, focus on your solar plexus, between your heart and naval, and imagine that the energy in that area is increasing in a comfortable way. While opening that area, tell yourself, “I don’t have six hours to do this. It will be done in three hours. I know it can be done because I only have three hours and I can accomplish anything that’s put in my path. I have complete faith in myself that I can accomplish this. I won’t worry about it because worrying takes time. I will stay focused and believe it will happen and it will.”

5. Repeat this exercise whenever the worry surfaces.

Focus on your task with this belief in tow, and you’ll see your work magically completed correctly and on time.

Removing the stress from roadblocks

August 10th, 2009

 

Often our goals and assignments, tasks and obligations become all important. We push and push to fit everything into an imagined box and it never seems to quite fit. The stress builds because our schedule is our all-important road map to success. We are defined by it and we ignore everything else in our path as an obstruction.

The internet goes out and we’re unable to send an email. Our phone drops a call. Our child is ill and we have to miss work. A tire blows out and we spend an hour having it repaired. A friend calls and we don’t have time to talk. Someone cuts us off in traffic or we’re held up at a traffic light and we’re afraid we’ll miss an appointment. WHY IS EVERYTHING GETTING IN OUR WAY?

Consider that life is not a roadmap in one direction. The perceived disruptions to our big plan are not annoying obstacles to, they are a part of life. The objective is not to “get there,” it’s to experience all we can and smile through it. The goal to success includes breakdowns, breakups, bad weather, laughing, meeting people at the tire store, noticing people who cut us off in traffic without swearing, spending time with our children when they are ill …

Who said it was going to be an easy, straight shot to an objective? It’s a misconception. The truth is, life is one continual amusement park or insane assylum. The difference is in how we handle it. The choice is yours.

Smile. Breathe. Relax. Enjoy.